And Jacob concluded commanding his sons, and he drew his legs [up] into the bed, and expired and was brought in to his people (Genesis 49:33)
With his sons gathered around his bed to receive final blessings and instruction from their beloved father, Yaakov drew his last breath. With his death came the end of an era. The sun of the Patriarchs had set as the sun of the nation of Israel began to rise. But Yaakov was much more than a father; he was a unifying force in an often fractured family. In last week’s Parsha, Yehuda pleads with Yosef (who had not yet revealed his true identity) to release Binyamin and he says, “For how will I go up to my father if the boy is not with me? Let me not see the misery that will befall my father!” (Bereishis 44:34) It was the image of his suffering father that prevented Yosef from maintaining his detached façade and moved him to reveal his identity. Yosef proceeded to make a dramatic yet, puzzling statement, “’I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?’ But his brothers could not answer him because they were startled by his presence.” (Bereishis 45:3) Why did Yosef ask about his father? Just one verse earlier Yosef was moved by Yehuda’s description of Yaakov’s suffering. In fact, throughout the multiple conversations between Yosef and his brothers, Yosef always asks about the welfare of “their father.” Why during the moment of revelation did Yosef ask, “Is my father still alive?”
Rav Shmuel Borenstein (1856-1926), the Rebbe of Sochachov in his work titled, Shem M’Shmuel explains that Yosef was asking, Is my father’s spirit still alive? Does he still possess the Divine spirit within? Yosef was asking his brothers if his father was the same man he had known twenty-two years ago, or had he become someone different. Did he still possess the spirit of holiness or had it dissipated with time? Did the suffering and pain of the past 22 years break him or had he still retained his optimism and hope? Rav Meir Shapira of Lublin (1887-1933) explains that Yosef was posing the question to himself. He was asking, “Ha’od Avi Chai B’Kirbi, (does my father still live within me)?” Do I still feel that connection to my father? Do I desire to have him in my life? Do I still feel that love I once knew?
Yosef understood that traumatic life experiences change who we are. In truth , it is not just traumatic experiences; life changes us. As children we are loving, caring, trusting, optimistic and content. As we get older and experience failure, hurt, betrayal and setbacks we begin to replace these childlike qualities with sarcasm, cynicism and pessimism. In the moments after the revelation Yosef wonders to himself, can I become the person I once was? Can my father become the person he once was? So much has happened, so much has changed, Ha’od Avi Chai, does the father I knew still exist? Does the person I once was still exist?
Amazingly, when Yosef asks the brothers this question, there is no reply. Because no one can answer this question for Yosef; Yosef must decide for himself. Yosef must decide if he will let twenty-two years of difficulty and pain define him or if he will choose to reclaim his former self. Yosef decides that he will be a loving benevolent brother who will work to repair his family. And he sends an important message to his father. He says, The Hebrew phrase for is This can also be translated as, Yosef was telling his father.
